Your Own Grim Reaper

When will you choose to die?

First thing first, I'll have to admit, blogging is not an easy thing.
When I resumed back to posting things in my blog this year, I sort of told myself that I should do this(updating my blog) more often, but things always don't go according to the way we plan it. Right?

Sometimes when I get some idea of what to write(or you can call it complain), I won't have the time to do my writing, and when I'm finally free to do some writing, then all the ideas will just go missing.

Kick ah kick, where are you?

Ok! Let's get started!
I thought of writing this because it was one of the daily topic that I heard from one of my favourite radio station when I was driving back from work. I can't remember the topic in a very detailed way or how it was asked, but I remember it was something about if you can choose a specific age to die, at what age would you prefer to leave this world.

I sort of wrote it down and wanted to give my two cents on this topic.
So, my answer today. would probably be that I would to choose to leave at 30 years old.
If it's for real, I have approximately 3 years left. That's if it's real. And no, it's not a suicide note. It's just a deeeeeeeepp thought.
I might be negative, but not THAT negative!

Me, in deep thoughts mode. 😔

I have my reasons, not that I don't enjoy my life right now.
At times, I just felt like I'm not really living life to the fullest. (Damn those life quotes and live your dream quotes!) 
No, seriously, for real, I felt that I'm part of the community that live and work just for the sake of living. I can feel the restriction all the time. The brain vs heart thing.

I somehow fell for this illustration. True story bro

So, if I myself knew that I only have 3 years left, I probably will spend at least half the remaining time doing..hrm..what's the word..ohh ya, NOT WORKING.

Like this...

I will use half my remaining time to earn a sum of money. 

Then just go around the world...or around Asia..or around Malaysia. (Depending how much I manage to save..damn it!)

Toto, let me strike your jackpot once..

Recently, in most of the conversation that I had, I can't help but notice that I talk more about the past. How it was so much better when we were younger and stuffs like that. Because I think I lost a lot of things and people while growing up. Although in the past, things weren't luxurious nor pretty, but I was pretty much very happy.

Another reason; at a lot of time, I felt like I was suffering.
Suffering from what? From the expectations that either I had for myself, or the people around me had for me. It just feels like being surrounded all the time.

Financial stability is always the best example of stress that I faced all the time. I was already a stingy boy back then, but growing up doesn't help, everything that came to me, I'm always looking from the monetary perspective first. Having enough money would make you feel safer. To me, that is so true.

No?

I also tend to keep my problems, so it's always stressful having to face all the stress alone. Most of the time it's not that I do not want to share it out, it's just that I'm not sure what's the reaction or who should I talk to. Therefore I ended up this way.

And also, I'm not the type of person who always speaks their mind or open up too frequently. That's why I often couldn't see what will be in my future, because I tend to avoid it..a lot.

So, it feels like having a deadline would maybe boost me up in what I wanna do in my life everyday.
That's just my thinking. It's just something weird that I often had in my mind as some sort of backup or shortcuts for my life because you know, people often ask me if I'm already at this condition at this age, what would happen when I get old?

My answer is? I guess I don't wanna get old to know about it since...

Yeah, because of this.

Again, I know it's negative, but like I've always said, it's just something that was in my mind. Just trying to write it down because no one really knew about this blog's existence  it's always good to share our opinion.

Sand's dropping, clock's ticking, time's moving.